OXM ETboy wrote:Pre-order Claus needs to catch on. Though it does sound a bit like some terrible legal loophole.
Section I: The party of the first part, who wherein shall be known as Pre-Order Claus, agrees to maintain up-to-date listings of the party of the second part, who wherein shall be referenced and categorized as follows: holders of original bills of sale (“Nice”); or former holders of original bills of sale who lost original bills of sale somewhere between the place of purchase and their temporary or permanent residence (“Naughty”).
II: Pre-Order Claus promises to deliver specified items upon presentation of the original bills of sale and on the date previously agreed to by both parties without exception. The party of the second part agrees to pick up specified item or items in a timely manner, or to arrange delivery of specified item or items by a third party which may or may not include reindeer. (Use of reindeer may be declared mandatory in instances of weather-related scenarios where the absence of brightly-lit red noses could result in delivery delays. Void where prohibited by law.)
III: The party of the second part agrees to void their right to civil action if and when the early acceptance of specified item or items negates expected feelings of joy on the morning of December 25 (sometimes known as “Christmas”), and maintains sole accountability for said lack of joy. Pre-Order Claus will make no guarantee that specified item or items may or may not experience a diminishing level of awesomeness that may or may not last from time of delivery through the day and evening of December 25.
IV: The party of the second part makes no guarantee that diminishing level of awesomeness will or will not be discussed at great length on various websites and on social media, and makes no guarantee that the words “boring,” “total disappointment,” “waste of money,” or “what were they thinking” will or will not be used. (Exemptions will be made for any specific item produced by Rockstar Games, because Grand Theft Auto. Expressions of disappointment due to early issues with GTA Online are void upon virtual receipt of virtual financial compensation virtually provided by Rockstar Games.)
V: The party of the second part acknowledges that a diminishing level of awesomeness may or may not be affected by the party of the second part's cousin, who is in town for the holidays, and who can't seem to keep his sticky hands off of everything in their room. The party of the second part acknowledges that complaints specific to this situation shall be lobbied toward the parents of the party of the second part, which may or may not be met with "Just be nice. We only see them once a year. Now give your grandmother a kiss and thank her for knitting your new sweater."
VI: The party of the second part agrees to kiss their grandmother. The party of the second part also agrees to wear a knitted sweater for at least one family photograph, which may or may not be displayed in an embarrassingly obvious location.
VII: Pre-Order Claus promises to maintain personal availability at various times throughout the calendar year, and further promises to provide services relating to items specified and described by the staff at OXM, both print and digital editions, who may or may not be elves. (Elven ancestry shall not be assumed based on appearance of pointed ears or display of fur-laden extremities.)
VIII: The party of the second part agrees that the staff at OXM will in no way bear responsibility for any obsessive anticipation of specified items, and consequences of constant visits to OXM's digital portal shall be the sole responsibility of the party of the second part, including but not limited to loss of employment, loss of teeth due to hygiene-based neglect, or loss of spouse due to loss of employment and hygiene based-neglect.
IX: OXM shall in no way be held accountable for any damage to hardware or person resulting from the reaction to, or perception of, negative information applied toward specified items that the party of the second part knew could have been much better if the studio only had a little more time to work with the new hardware.
X: The parties agree that the UN Convention on Fake Contracts Created by Bored Individuals on a Saturday shall apply in its entirety. All rights reserved.